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That's more or less what Paris Hilton is trying to claim, anyway. Terrified that her 45-day prison sentence for violating her drink-driving probation will plunge her into a world of daily beatings, violent shower-room cunnilingus and a total absence of anything that's even vaguely hot, Paris Hilton has started up a petition to keep her out of jail, on the basis that she "provides beauty and excitement" to everyone's lives. And there we were thinking that Paris Hilton only provides us with bad music, bad films, bad TV shows and the occasional homemade porno film. Read »