“Daddy” She tried to get his attention.
“Hmmmm?” He did not turn to look at his daughter who knelt down on the grass along with him.
“Daddy?” She reached over and touched his bent waist.
He sighed and stopped pulling the weeds. Brushed his hands against his jean clad thighs and turned to look at his daughter.
“What is it, Kelly?” Tendrils of her hair waved gently in the Mid Western wind. It had been a cool day and the winds had yet to pick up pace. A bird sang above their heads on the maple tree. Her song was sweet and it caused much melancholy in his heart.
He reached over and tucked the hair behind his daughter’s ear. A smudge of dirt marred the perfect skin of her ear. He looked at it and remembered his wife kissing Kelly’s ears when she was barely a few minutes old.
“Daddy?” she gently held his hand. Her eight year old hand was engulfed in his strong grasp. She missed her mother.
“Daddy?”
He smiled at her whimsically “What is it pumpkin?”
She bit her lip and tried to hold the tears back from her eyes. She didn’t want to hurt him. But she had to ask him.
“Daddy, is Ma really in heaven?”
He closed his eyes and bowed his head. His gentle Melissa was gone forever. He tried to be patient with their daughter just as Melissa had taught him to be.
Put the anger and grief on the back burner. She would have said. He could actually hear her say the words in his mind.
How he missed her sweet warmth.
He looked at his daughter and tried to smile.
“Yes, sweetie she is in heaven.”
“But daddy!” She chewed her lip just like her mother used to do when she was under tremendous stress; the same gentle chewing of the lip between the upper and lower teeth when the biopsy reports said she’d live less than six months. His brave Melissa was gone leaving behind a grieving husband and a confused daughter.
He shook his head and went back to weeding the earth with renewed vigor.
Tears fell from his eyes, tears he didn’t want his daughter to see.
She sat back on her haunches and watched a little ladybird crawl up her arm.
The beautiful black spots on its red shell reminded her of the times she had gone ladybird hunting with her mother in the fields, she remembered the times when they had sat together and eaten berries freshly plucked and slept under the same maple tree.
Her chest tightened and she could breathe. She was swept up in a maelstrom of grief but couldn’t reach out to her father. He no longer smiled; he couldn’t look at her in the eye. Grandma told her to give him time. He will come around she had said as she hugged her little body against her ample bosom till she couldn’t breathe.
Grandma hugged her too tightly nowadays but her father couldn’t bring himself to touch her.
“Daddy!” She tried again, a little more hesitant this time. Had she done something wrong?
He brushed a hand across his eyes. Jesus, he didn’t know how to comfort his daughter.
Throwing the weeds aside he decided to take a breather and talk to the only precious thing he was left with.
“Tell me honey.”
“Daddy if mama is in heaven why are we here?” She blurted out. Apprehension made her shiver. She had finally asked her father the question that had been plaguing her for a while.
“Here? Because this is your mother’s grave.” He told her trying to keep the impatience out of his voice.
The harshness of his tone made tears spill from her eyes. He cursed himself; she was so fragile.
She brushed her tears away just like he had a few minutes ago. So much pain, how were they to deal with it?
He tried again
“Honey, I come here because it makes me feel close to your mom.”
She crawled up to him and snuggled in his lap. She was again a five year old wanting comfort from her father. He hugged her close to his chest while his heart broke.
“But daddy it saddens me to come here. I miss mama even more.”
He rocked her silently and watched the sun go down. So many memories lay under the maple tree. The leaves of the tree whispered gently along with the breeze. The sky turned molten giving the few fluffy clouds a silvery- gold sheen.
The lights in the farm came on. Melissa’s mother must have made lasagna. She was trying to fill in a gap she never could but bless her heart she was a rock of Gibraltar he and his daughter had leaned on. She had held the family together.
He buried his face in his daughter’s hair and drew in the clean fragrance. His mother in law had given Kelly a bath. He had been neglecting his daughter. His grief had made him selfish. He hadn’t been there to comfort Melissa’s mother either.
He gathered his daughter up firmly in his arms and tried to speak in a lighter tone “Tell you what we will talk to your mom during Grace before dinner what do you say?”
“Will mommy hear us Daddy?” She looked up at the gaunt face of her father.
He gave her a reassuring smile
“Sure she will honey.”
She laid her head against his shoulder and he walked towards the porch of the farm house where Melissa’s mother waited for them.
