For the first time in your life, here is a chance to be yourself. Finally you don’t have a peer group that tells you what you ought to be doing now. You are not married at 25. This automatically means, you don’t have to have a kid at 27, buy a house at 28 and have a second kid at 30. […]
So, your parents and peer group are aghast and keep asking you when your ‘real’ life is going to start. Maybe it is time to turn around and say that this is your real life and it does sound more interesting at times. […] [Link]
Beautiful. Almost dream-like, isn’t it? Only problem, it is freaking dream-like.
Now don’t get me wrong; my rant has nothing to do with the author’s thoughts (as a matter of fact I think these are very encouraging words) but instead it's targeted at instigated by our society’s takyanusi khayalats (primitive notions). Especially when it comes to women -- infant, teenager, adult, married, housewife, entrepreneur -- it doesn't matter. For all of her phases, there are sets of guidelines to be followed. Anything outside them, does not only guarantee grief from so-called protectors of the Indian culture and morality but at times, also our very own.
I could cite plenty of examples off the tip of my tongue but I believe nothing beats one's own personal experience. Not that my situation is as grave (yes, I am grateful) but I am hoping it will help others in a similar situation understand that sometimes being selfish is the only way out. Being brought up in a reasonably-conservative upper class Punjabi household has its perks. Plenty of perks, in fact. However, as is often said, "With good comes bad." And the bad bit here is -- I am nearing 30 and I am unmarried. And personally speaking, I couldn't be happier. Job is going well, money in-flow is decent, fantastic set of friends (married & single), amazing nieces & nephews and above all, my doggies are doing just fine.
So ya, I am quite content with the way life is moving along.
For me marriage has never been a big deal and I highly doubt it will ever be. And it’s also not that I am against (this) civil union, just that I do not feel the urgency or the desperation to get done with it. In simple words, if it happens then good and in case it doesn’t then still good. But I would be lying if I said I had the support of my family on the above.
To a certain extent, I do understand their plight. I mean it's only natural for a parent to wish their children to be well-settled while they are alive. Unfortunately though, an Indian woman is considered settled only after she takes the pledge of loyalty, in sickness and in health, lasting 7 years, in a holy matrimony.
Basically, what I am trying to say is that every time I have refused a prospective alliance, I have seen the disappointment on their faces. And sometimes there are those weak moments where you just want to give in, for their sake alone. The thing is; daughters are not considered as burdens by all (Indian) families but their marriage is perceived as a responsibility by most of them. A responsibility as a parent, a responsibility towards their girl-child and for superficial reasons, a responsibility towards the society.
Therefore, with such strong notions in place, to turn around, say aloud your thoughts on marriage and your intentions to not get into marital bliss (or commotion) for now or forever is never going to be an easy job. Especially when the after effects are also taken into account; the rona-dhona, emotional blackmailing or baseless accusations. You get the point.
To expect the older generation to change their views overnight is sheer foolishness. So does this mean there is no solution?
Well, from personal experience all I can say is that it all boils down to how strongly you believe in your decision/s and how far you are willing to go in order to fulfill them. It may look like an impossible task but then what is life without a couple of bumps here and there?
